I am hiring a "husband"

Currently taking applications for men with a strong ability for household duties. I need my roof fixed, the fence fixed, someone to crawl under the house to fix the ac unit, my oil changed, the skylights fixed, the pool vacuumed, the ladder put into the pool so we can use the damn thing, my car washed, my 2 acre fenced yard to be weed whacked. Shall I continue? My husband lord help him is pretty darn amazing. He loves me, loves the kids, but every since he has bought his 2nd business he has let everything go. Ok even before he owned the 2nd business none of the above has been done. I am getting agitated. I do not nag, I have "politely" reminded him several times of the things that need to be done , you know the "man" things. My Husband has never been good with "household" things or maintaining anything for that matter. If it breaks instead of trying to fix it, he just buys a new one. He hires people to do simple things ( minor electric work like hanging a fan ), he once tried to power wash the deck. He used the power washer for 10 minutes then quit and said he would just hire someone to do it. WTF? You serious? He asks for tools all the time... BWHAHAHHAHA I know how to use them better than him!
So I am now accepting applications for a "Husband for Hire"
However the qualifications are quite specific

1- you must know how to use tools (rather well)
2- you can use tools with your shirt off (much like the above picture)
3- you must be willing and eager to complete any mundane task (without shirt)
4- you must not care that I sip margaritas and watch you complete named tasks while sitting in the cabana that you built oogling at you with my friends
5- you must have a 6 pack and a tan
6- you must be willing to complete taks even if I am capable of doing it (just not willing too)




ok. ok. ok. I am kidding (but oh how that would be nice) But seriously the line has been crossed and I have become aggitated. I should tell him I will hold his Play Station 3 hostage (or I will hold the nooky back) until my said tasks are completed.

Happy Day!