Mommy Meltdown

So two days ago I think I hit post partum 2 years to late... Ok so I have been really stressed recently, the new bar, lack of clients for my photography (which I am to blame because I haven't been pushing to get any new ones), my husband, the house, the kids, everything. I guess I was like a rubber band, everything has been building and building until I just snapped and went awhol. Sobbing hysterically I jumped into the van and started driving, no destination in mind just driving (kids were home with the hubby). I drove myself to the mental hospital convinced that my mommy brain went into overload and was crashing... I quickly realized that I was not crazy nor did I need a hospital. I just needed to vent, I needed to yell, I needed to cry and thrash around like a toddler not getting thier way. I needed to throw myself down to the ground and scream its not fair. Why is not fair? I dont know but my kids say it so much to me that it must be something you yell and scream when you are not getting your way! So I began the task of driving back home along a very peaceful backroad. I ended up driving by my house and continued driving another 40 miles in the rain until I ended up at a field much like the one above. Daisy's are my most favorite flower ever, so to come across a field FULL of them meant something. I turned sirius all the way up on a symphony channel rolled down my windows, jumped out of the car and began running into the meadow. There is where I had it. I began yelling, throwing rocks, threw myself down and began thrashing like a toddler(note to self, a field that has been rained on for a couple days is no good to throw yourself down in)... Then it happened. I stopped, I took a deep breath, felt the wind on my face, smelled the beautiful flowers, listened to the birds and then I smiled. What seemed like only minutes ended up being over an hour that I layed in this field, cold and wet but I felt at peace. I found solice. I was brought back to reality. I picked several dozen wild daisy's quietly got back into my car and drove home. I have felt rejuvinated since my little meltdown.
My little mommy moment as crazy as it sounds never felt so right. I don't know how many times in my life as a mother I have just felt the need to go run into the yard and start screaming.... I think I deserved this. And no I am not crazy, I am a mom. I am a wife. I am a friend, a daughter, a neice. I am not perfect. I am me. This is me.